Hi @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member and anyone else floating around in the ocean today. My turtle whisperer super helped me unmuddle the muddle of last week and I feel a bazillion times better. I super wish I could have seen her as soon as the muddle happened rather than losing another week of my life to just trying to survive. Trying to survive is so superly duperly exhausting (as I know you know @CheerBear and @Zoe7!!!). After our session I was SO tired, I have ended up sleeping the day away...which I know does not bode well for a good night's sleep tonight. It's like...the roller-coaster of trying to survive the muddle and then dealing with the muddle has totally wiped me out. It is super frustrating - I hate sleeping so much during the day.

I am still super super struggling with the terror of losing my turtle whisperer. I connect with her so easily - just like with (K), and I am utterly terrified of once again losing that one-in-a-billion person who genuinely gets me and who I know can really help me. Given that I am still grieving for (K) more than 18 months after the relationship ended, I really am terrified of going through the same thing again.

I superly duperly want to fix my brain NOW! I'm pretty sure that today the turtle whisperer said "we can work on that" about a bazillion times such that we have already filled up the next one thousand therapy hours. I hate how slowwwwwwww brain fixing is, and I super hate how random rogue waves come along and make it even slower. Most of today's session went into dealing with last week's muddle and I am really scared that my brain fixing efforts are a bit like trying to bail out the Titanic with a teaspoon...while there is still more water pouring in.  

So...all in all I am feeling a bazillion times better for having worked through the muddle with the turtle whisperer, but the fear I have of her disappearing is super hard to sit with. Oh another cool thing is that she has now read the same information that the sorry-too-complex psychiatrist read...and she doesn't think I'm too complex at all. I guess that goes to to show that the psychiatrist just doesn't speak turtle well. I'm super glad I have Dr Havetodo!

Hmmm...I think I will stay snuggled in my underwater cave for a little while longer, but I think I will be ready to surface and resume swimming tomorrow.

I wonder where our books are now @CheerBear. They must be getting close. @Zoe7 I super loved the picture of our books winging their way to their new respective homes.

Super big thank you for caring about me and for sitting with me in my muddle.