@Zoe7  you have no idea how much this means to me. The fact that I am awake right now and here tells you how crushing this was. I woke up a little while ago and the tears and waves started straight away. I came here to talk it out and ride the wave. I found the message you left in the cave and it settled my giant feelings such a lot. Super super super big thank you for sneaking in here and leaving it. It sounds like the message you heard from me was precisely the message I sought to convey.

You very specifically said that you didn't want people to worry about you, and then you seemed to get all these responses from people telling you they couldn't help worrying about you. I completely respect their position, but it isn't my position. I wanted to let you know that I could do what you were asking people to do - I could not worry about you. And they all seemed to be saying that the reason they couldn't stop worrying about you is because they love you. I superly duperly like you...but that isn't love. To me, I was trying to respect your request...and somehow in the process got accused of being disrespectful. I find that utterly bewildering. 

Anyway, super gigantic thank you for sneaking in here. As I said in my removed post, you are always welcome in the underwater cave. You won't get "I love you's" here or hugs or terms of endearment or familial terms like "sister." But you will get me. You will get someone who superly duperly likes you. Someone who respects your right to do whatever you choose with your own life. Someone who super enjoys both laughing over silly things with you, and sitting with you in the depths of the darkness. Someone who super cares about you without feeling the need to express that care in gushing terms.

I super hope you can find your way back to feeling safe in Forum Land, but I will understand if you can't. I know I will be able to move through my muddle once I talk it over with @NikNik or someone. However, I have well and truly learnt my lesson - I won't be back here over the weekends. It sounds a bit like what I'm feeling regarding the weekends is how you are feeling overall and that super super super sucks.

For what it is worth (which is probably zero!), I haven't got the remotest sense that you or the other person hurt in last week's muddle did anything at all wrong. I honestly don't have the slightest idea what is going on there. I can totally understand your bewilderment over that one!

Super big thank you again for checking in. It is a bazillion percent fine for you to not respond (or even read) this post. My heart feels lighter for knowing that you heard my post exactly as it was intended. I superly duperly hope to see you here again in the underwater cave sometime...but I also respect your choice to stay away. I superly duperly like you @Zoe7.