@Former-Member I'm never going to find anyone who is willing and able to work with me. Fred was right. He WAS the only one who would stay. I AM too f*cked up for anyone else to treat. He was right and I wish with all my heart that I had just stayed with him. I was a million times safer with him than I will ever be again. How can it possibly be that I found a turtle whisperer, but we can't work on the trauma stuff because of factors outside of her control? How can this be????

You know what I really hate? When people say "these things take time". Yeah, they DO take time, that's why after TWENTY YEARS I WANT TO MAKE A START!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even start. My turtle whisperer and I can't even start to unmuddle the muddle. I've been living in total limbo for twenty-seven months since the final great showdown with Fred and I still can't even make a start on unmuddling my muddle. How does anyone live with that? How do I keep on keeping on, when I'm on a road to nowhere!!!! My feelings are super super super giant.