@NikNik and @Faith-and-Hope you made me giggle...which is quite a feat given how utterly hopeless I feel right now.

So...my entire session with my turtle whisperer got filled up talking about the hopelessness around trying to find therapist-take-thirteen (this took about 95% of the session time) and my weekend muddle here in Forum Land. I feel so utterly hopeless. At the end of the session, my turtle whisperer agreed with my summation that I wasn't even a millimetre closer to unmuddling my muddle. We didn't get to talk about ANYTHING following on from last week's session. This is what I mean about trying to bail out the Titanic with a teaspoon while water keeps pouring in. The very first week I saw my turtle whisperer, she set me the task of identifying automatic thoughts during the week. I diligently did this and...we've never got back to talking about it. Last week I told her I would send through some emotion regulation worksheets I did for therapist-take-one which she and I never got to discuss. I diligently did that and...we didn't get to talk about them.

I'm not going to get better. That's the cold hard reality of the situation. It's not that I COULDN'T get better, but the reality is that I'm not going to. The sorry-too-complex psychiatrist told my GP that she would need to see me three times a week to actually help me, and obviously that is impossible cost-wise etc. My amazing lack of progress with my turtle whisperer despite her awesome turtle whispering abilities is reflective of the hopelessness of my situation. Fred was right when he said I could only ever be contained and managed. I'm never going to actually get better because muddles keep piling upon muddles faster than even the most awesome turtle whisperer can navigate given the real limitations of time etc. I'm not getting better. Not ever. Are you still watching the ocean @NikNik or is someone else @Former-Membering?

At least now, thanks to Zoe7, I come with a warning label.