Good morning everybody out on the ocean,

I am feeling a little super gigantic lot like I've been squished by a bus. Everything is hard right now. I know that doesn't mean it will always be this hard, it just is right now. All my giant grief feelings around (P) are getting tangled up with giant grief feelings around the hopelessness of my situation career-wise, such that the grief is spilling out in unhelpful ways. My turtle whisperer and I talked about it a little bit yesterday, but not nearly as much as we really needed to because all our time is being consumed with the project of trying to find therapist-take-thirteen. We have someone in mind and the plan is that my turtle whisperer will speak with her first to pave the way. Yesterday we were going through all the stuff that therapist-take-thirteen needs to know in order to maximise the chances of success.

My turtle whisperer was talking about how amazingly muddled my muddle is. She was saying that when she offered to be my turtle whisperer she really had no idea how muddled the muddle was. This is a recurring theme in my world. Therapists hear my treatment goal of "I want to gain and sustain employment such that I'm not reliant on the DSP" and they think this is a nice easy goal and that I just need a little bit of CBT. And then the muddle starts to come out...

It is so utterly crushing knowing that my turtle whisperer is one of those very VERY rare individauls who I know could actually help me with the muddle but that she can't work on the muddle with me because of the nature of the service through which I am seeing her. It is utterly utterly utterly crushing and I just hope with all my heart that the person we have targeted as therapist-take-thirteen will be as awesome as my turtle whisperer and (K).

Anyway, moving on...

@Former-Member I super love the idea of you travelling through the ocean in a cosy bubble-type vehicle lined with cushions and books. I wonder if @Zoe7 could make a picture of that when she is feeling well enough.

@Faith-and-Hope I would LOVE to be able to find a space where I could earn an income from writing. If I could get a job where I could sit at home and write, that would be AMAZING. However, as to where to find such a job, I do not know. From what I've heard, only about one in a bazillion people actually make a good income from blogging. The vast majority of people make nothing, and then most of the rest make a little bit as a sideline income. Knowing I have the academic qualifications of a "mental health professional" and yet due to my muddle will almost certainly never work in the field is utterly soul destroying.

@Zoe7 Awwwwww, smacked in the head with a love heart AGAIN! I really have to work harder at being disrespectful and offensive in order to try and avoid getting love hearts thrown at me. I mean gee, I tell you I don't love you or worry about you (which is disrespectful and offensive to you) and then I tell you that you are my second-favourite forumite (which is probably disrespectful and offensive to every single person in Forum Land aside from @CheerBear), and I STILL get smacked in the head with a love heart. Clearly I'm losing my touch!

@CheerBear Ooooh were there any inappropriate giggles yesterday while you were with important doctor people? Was there any discussion of BMs??? You see, even though I was there with you, Dr Havetodo is the only individual in the pocket crew who has ears so the rest of us don't actually hear anything that is discussed in your tricky appointments.

@Former-Member Super big thank you for watching over the ocean last night. I was superly duperly struggling and your post made me giggle - specifically this bit: looking forward to the warmer daze ahead. Giggle. As nice as a warm daze seems, I'm thinking you may have meant warm DAYS.

Hmmmm...I was hoping to go for a ride in @NikNik's nutella jar this morning but she hasn't appeared. Are you around @Former-Member? Otherwise I'm going to have to hike all over Forum Land to conduct my cleansing ceremony, and given I'm a sea turtle and Forum Land is super big, that sounds like hard work. Doing a flyover in a nutella jar or on a flying island sounds much easier.

Good morning @Former-Member @Former-Member and um...let me see, it's Wednesday, so according to my calculations I would also be saying good morning to @Former-Member. I super love routine - flexibility and change is way over-rated.