The waves are SO HUGE now. 

I do not matter,

I'm only one person,

Destroy me completely,

Then throw me away.

Shhhhh don't tell. 

@CheerBear I am guessing that your day may be dawning as dark as mine as we sit together-but-not in the wrongness of the wrong. I know without knowing. Right now the whole world seems so very very dark and so very very scary and the sense of being utterly utterly utterly alone is overwhelming. We are together-but-not. Take me out of your pocket or your bag or wherever I am right now and hold me in your hand. You see? I'm right there. I am right there with you. I'm right there with you - both for your sake and mine. Things are really really really hard right now, and right now, I don't know the way forward. It is so dark and so scary. But we have been in this space before. We have survived this before. It's hard. It's so so SO hard, and it shouldn't be. It is not ok. Things like this should not happen. Things that cause harm to others should not happen. But it is happening and that is out of our control. It is what it is. And so we will ride it out - together but not. 

TTT talked the other day about how super important it is to stay within the window of tolerance in order to fix broken brains. I get the sense that like me, you may be so far out of your window of tolerance right now that you don't even know where the window is. What is happening right now is not ok. It is super giant brain mushing stuff. It is crushing and heartbreaking to see how painstakingly taken tiny baby steps forward in brain fixing can be squashed in an instant. It's so so so wrong...but it is what it is...and so we will ride it out - together but not. 

I don't anticipate being around here much today and I'm guessing it may be the same for you. I have nothing left to give right now. Operation just-stay-alive is very much in full swing here. We are together but not. We are here even when we are not. Schrodinger had a cat, you have a turtle. We've got this.