Hi @CheerBear,

I super super SUPER like your baby dragon. I haven't practiced my crocheting today yet, but I will this evening. How has your day been? Mine started off so very VERY badly, but TTT helped me get back into my window and then another helping person helped some more too. I so super badly hope you can find your way back into your window too. This is my new mission - to avoid falling out of my window because staying inside the window of tolerance is super important for brain fixing. 

Guess what, CheerBear? TTT and I were talking about how superly duperly important Forum Land and you in particular are to me. As part of that, I showed her my post to you this morning and your response to me. When she read your response she said  "wow, CheerBear has a lot going on at the moment too." I so very badly wish I could share TTT with you ChearBear, and I thought maybe it would be a tinsy tiny bit like sharing her, to let you know she said that and that she could hear you without hearing and know without knowing. 

Just like TTT promised, we started the session with her reading some of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to me. I snuggled on the floor under the weighted blanket with turtle and TTT's teddy bear and weighted toy. And then after that, TTT put on an ocean waves white noise youtube thing that then played for the entire session while we talked about the current brain mushing soul destroying so wrong thing. I only had to plank once during the session...and I got lots of good job's for not SHing when I superly duperly badly wanted to. TTT said that every time I don't SH when I super want to, it helps fix my brain a tinsy tiny bit. We are specifically focusing on that form of SH that is more common to ASD than to BPD. 

I felt much better after my session with TTT. She super validated how wrong the wrongness is and that superly duperly helped. And then the other helping person helped some more by coming up with a plan B that is much less wrong than plan A. Plan B is going to take a little bit of time to sort out, but having plan B has superly duperly helped to calm all the super gigantic I-don't-matter feelings and the ickiness of keeping secrets. TTT told me today that she will never ask me to keep secret anything she says to me or anything that happens in our sessions. We talked about how she is obligated to keep confidential anything I say, but I am in no way obligated to keep confidential anything she says. That super helped me to feel safe.  

Um...I think that's it. I superly duperly like how TTT keeps shifting what we do during the session. If something isn't working, she just tries something else. Today I drew a picture and I also picked out what big feelings I was having from a pack of feelings cards. It's like...she simply won't let things escalate. Being helped back into my window of tolerance feels so so SO much more ok than being pushed out of it. She superly duperly gets the whole co-regulation thing, CheerBear. She knows I can't do it by myself so well right now, so we do it together and that will help me to learn how to do it by myself. This feels so much better than being left to flounder in utter chaos. 

I super hope your day improved, CheerBear. I know the reality of your situation won't have changed and I know that the scared feelings you have around that are totally valid. I'm super glad your GP was able to validate that your feelings are real and justified even though seeing those words is scary in itself. 

I super hope you were able to have fun LF time. You are right that water, LF and turtles go super well together. Your LF definitely do brighten my day. 

We are doing great at doing today, CheerBear...and today is all we need to do today. Right now, in this moment, you are safe. It should not be this hard. It is not ok for harm to happen and it's so so wrong. But it is what it is, and you've got this. WE'VE got this.