I am trying so hard to enjoy my big adventure. This has been planned for months and it should be such a super fun time. I am trying so hard to enjoy the right now. But still, the weight of the wrongness of the wrong hangs so very very heavy in my soul. I am super dissociated and it makes navigating the adventure so much harder than it would otherwise be. I can't get the super scared feelings out of my body. I can feel how much I'm sitting right on the edge of my window of tolerance and I'm just waiting for the next email bus to come along and further mush my brain. The I-don't-matter feelings, the anybody-can-do-anything-to-me feelings, the no-one-hears-me-no-one-believes-me feelings and the super icky shhhhh-don't-tell feelings have filled up my brain and my soul. Good job brain for knowing how to shut down to protect itself! It is so so SO hard to enjoy the present with a super mushed brain. 

Goodnight @SleepyPanda. I just saw that you are now on ocean-watching duty for the night. I super like how you are appearing so frequently in Forum Land. It feels nice to have regular non-regular moderators watching over the ocean.