I'm SO sorry you are going though all of this @Gremlin24 . You've been trying so hard for so long.
The only advice I have is give yourself a break from it for ten, fifteen minutes. Grab a nice cold refreshing drink and something small to eat if your hungry.
Come back in and start all over again.
Just know that I may be new here, but you have many friends on this forum who are there for you.
If it helps, try and vent out what your problems are. It's a good way to get them outta your head.
Again I'm sorry you're going though this, you don't deserve to be. I have 100% faith in you though that eventually, you will succeed!
-Marzey. Here for you anytime.