Sad and lonely

[Littlemoth]

Hi, I'm new here and I have Borderline personality disorder. I've often found I really struggle to maintain relationships of any sort. I try so very hard and yet everyone always leaves. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere or connect with anyone my age. I have issues reading tone when talking to people so I am constantly misinterpreting things or coming across as aloof and not quiet right. No one ever explains why they leave or why a connection couldn't be forged. I don't know what to do. I have a few friends but often find I'm the one always asking to hang out or always messaging first ect. So I don't have a lot of social inter and when I do I always seem to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing or miss a cue. I don't understand out to improve, I don't even understand who I am. I've always connected better with animals and used to have beautiful pets but after my last one passed away I just can't bring myself to get anymore because it really destroyed me this last time. Without my pets I don't know who I am. I don't seem to be what humans like, I don't know how to be normal, how to fit and not feel so self concious of my entire identity. I've read people with bpd struggle with relationships and so I'm unsure if this means I should close myself off from humans. I have a job so I can go to that but maybe aside from work I should tuck away from the world. Be a little more invisible. That will be tough as I crave validation from others to feel a sense of worth but maybe it's time I close away from it all, wipe my social media footprint and fade away 

[Ipponka]

Hi@Littlemoth,

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now. I want you to know that you're not alone, many people on this forum are struggling in their own ways too (me included). I want to invite you, if you trust your friends enough, to be honest with them about having a hard time and give them a chance to step up and be a part of your support network if that door is open to you. You will be surprised at how much capacity people can have to care.

Sorry to hear about your late pets. Someone who can feel a deep connection with animals, who have no control over their environment must have qualities of a good person. I want to encourage you to think of that thought that is telling you that you should "close yourself off from humans" as only a part of yourself, a loud part, but the fact that you are catching yourself thinking this means that another part of you is thinking this through a little more and trying to reason with it. I invite you to listen to parts of yourself that is more grounding and kind, and maybe encourage yourself to take smaller steps like allowing yourself to enjoy your own company around others. Connections and relationships don't always have to be found and forged, they can be wistful and random. I believe that people that you can connect will be drawn to you for the interesting, vulnerable person you are.

All the best, I really do hope that you stay well over this holiday period.

[Snowie]

Hi @Littlemoth 

Welcome to the Sane forums.

Whilst I don't have BPD I can fully understand about how hard it is with friendships.

Sometimes I just want to close off from the world too. Maybe it's just easier. I often wonder would anyone actually miss me if I just fade away.

Please know that you are not alone. There are many people on here with BPD and many that would probably feel the way you are feeling.

I hope you find the support you are looking for on here.