Am Not Coping

[Faith-and-Hope]

You know I will miss you @Zoe7 .... but you have to do what is right for you Hon .... 💜😔

[Zoe7]

I will miss you so, so much @Faith-and-Hope and I honestly thought being here with and for you would be enough - but it is too hard right now,

@Faith-and-Hope if I post the remaining days to  christmas here will you please post them on The Twelve Days To Christmas Thread each day. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yes @Zoe7.... 

Please keep yourself safe ....

💚🦋🐬💕

[Owlunar]

I don't read everything here @Zoe7 - but I might know what you are talking about - or not - 

I think you need to feel okay about saying things straight - I take an easier path and keep out of things I don't feel I can really add to - the truth is we have to feel okay about what we write and how we express ourselves - 

I have stepped in now and again and taken your lead - I have learned a lot from you

You are really battling - I know this and appreciate the time you do spend here

Dec

[Zoe7]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope 

[Zoe7]

It's not just one or two things @Owlunar - there are many - and I think some of the comments made by some of our newest members of late have really solidified my own feelings - when new members are seeing similar things that I have been then how do we expect ANYONE to join this community and feel safe and supported. I can totally 'see' where they are coming from. 

There are things that have been happening that are 'obvious' to us all here but there are more personal things for me that continue to hurt or cause me distress - and I know that if I even began to approach these things on here then there would be no 'winners'. It is a bit like not talking about my past - there is no point - it won't change what has happened and I can't get past it.

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Zoe7

When there would be no winners then disgression is probably the better path to take - why stir yourself up esp when we have a lot of new members and this is a lot to deal with? - esp when you are so sensitive you can "see" where they are coming from

Recently I read something about empathetic people really suffering when they see or know about the suffering of other people - I don't know if I am that empathetic but there are times when I read something a new person has posted and I know I can't go there - maybe you and I are on the same wavelength here because I know there are some people I know I cannot interact with because it would bring me down

And I am sure it is not the intention of the people who have set the forums up that people get into more than they can handle when this sort of thing happens - and I understand what you seem to be saying even if I don't know - and can't know - how you are really feeling

But I care

Dec

[Zoe7]

I don't think I made myself clear here @Owlunar.

It is not from some of the newer members that these feelings have come from - it is that they have not felt safe or supported at times and have either 'talked about' leaving or simply left. This is very disheartening for me (and I am sure many others) - because if EVERYONE does not feel included here then there is often nowhere else that they can!

As for discretion - that one I have been 'practicing' for a long time - at the detriment of my own feelings. 

[Owlunar]

Thanks for explaining @Zoe7

That is really hard - And I don't know what to do about that - what anyone can really?

But you are right - if people don't feel included where else can they go? It sometimes seems to me that this is someone's last post - as it were - 

But truthfully I don't know what any one person can do about that - it needs to be a joint effort and for any one person to take it on is far too much of a commitment

From what I read about Community Guides they are people who feel they can take on the extra commitment and make sure people are welcomed and supported - perhaps they need support.

I don't feel as if I would be up to that myself - after the experience I had in the last forum I was in - based overseas - and I was a support menber there - I found it to be a thankless task and I can no longer be present for so many people - esp when there are times when I can't be here for myself and anyone I know well - and I can really only support a small number of people

This is me being honest because I have learned this to my cost elsewhere - but I hear what you are saying about people who don't feel supported and you do have an important point

Is this something you have brought forward to the moderators because surely they have to have some responsibilty here - 

But discretion - yes - a hard lesson to learn as you have found out

I care a lot about you Zoe

Dec

[Zoe7]

Thanks @Owlunar I know you care - as do others - but that is honestly not enough right now to stop me feeling how I do - I wish it was but it just isn't 

As for the community guides - I think it is a very tricky one Dec. Everyone here has their own 'battles' to deal with - and community guides are not immune to that - and I would hope that they do get a lot of extra support. I think where the 'system' falls down is that newer members are welcomed and have a little 'guidance' to work there way around the forum but then often left (I won't say forgotten about - but close) to find their way around an increasingly large and confusing place. I think there are too many new threads opened by some members where a similar thread already exists. This is where new members often 'get lost' - they start a new thread and that soon 'disappears' when other new threads are opened after them. 

I believe all longer term members - and especially those that post a lot - have a responsibility to be mindful of when someone new begins a new thread and also enters a discussion - and provide encouragement and support rather than opening a new thread or moving a discussion elsewhere.