My Hospital Stay

[utopia]

@zie7 wow. Beautiful. And have you noticed the butterfly is right near Cockies heart? Magical.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Morning @utopia .... 🤗💕

Just gonna re-tag @Zoe7 to this .....

[Zoe7]

I didn't even intend that @utopia - isn't it wonderful how sometimes what you feel is brought out in things you do without even noticing - just meant to be! 

Glad you like it my beautiful cocky friend... here's another one...

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia

Glad to read that you are getting good rest and the hospital treatment is first class. Yes, the ADs raised takes time to work. I remember that well and how it felt like forever at the time. But eventually they did help. Thinking of you. Happy to read you are feeling a bit better. 💜🌹xx

[soul]

Hi @utopia - Hope the coffee's good at least.

[utopia]

@Zoe7. There is a butterfly and cocky in the second picture. Think it proves we were always meant to be friends. ♥
@soul. I don't drink tea or coffee - but I make myself a hot chocolate every now and then.
Thank you @Faith-and-Hope. It's good of you to have 'my back' and re-tag zoe for me.
@Former-Member. Very up and down at the moment. Restless, irritated and teary. I can't wait for the meds to work.

[Former-Member]

@utopia - I totally relate. It's such a relief when they do work as they start to also work eventually on easing that horrible anxiety as well (anxiety was also a problem for me). The suffering each day was like a hundred years to me thinking back and I was feeling that urgency for them to work like you are. I so empathise.

It was a bit of trial and error, but I eventually felt better. The sleep they offered me helped the healing process as well. Good to read you are getting plenty. Everything crossed that those meds kick in soon. Always thinking of you ❤️🤗Xx

[Zoe7]

I hate to shatter your illusions @utopia but the pictures didn't initially come with either a cocky or a butterfly - but they should have!

I'll do another for you for tomorrow... in the meantime - here is a photo I took of the mountain the other night (it is only the top of it because it was too cold and I was too weak to climb up the ladder) but I had to capture it just for you... it was absolutely stunning 

[utopia]

The mountain is so close @Zoe7. It looks bare of trees. But the sun setting gives it a great glow.
Woke up from a dream featuring my old friend this morning. Seems every time I'm in crisis - I dream or fixate on him. Hoping he will save me. Stupid brain thinking. My psychologist wants to delve into this when I'm home and well. I keep trying to work it out myself - but just get stuck.
I think I'd like to eliminate memories of him from my mind. As they don't seem to serve any purpose.

[Zoe7]

I think we all do that when we are down @utopia - it is so much harder to fight off the negative thoughts when we don't have the energy. I know you feel like you want to eliminate all memories of him from your mind but there is history there also that you shared that has helped shape the person you are - that you cannot eliminate - and that side of you is lovely and caring - and that you need to hold onto my beautiful cocky friend  It is the heartbreak you have felt for something that you wanted but could not have that needs to dealt with. That is not anyone's 'fault' because you truly wanted him to be happy and wanted to help him. In doing that though you kept putting yourself 'on the line' and got nothing in return - it is hard in those times to recognise that such a relationship is harmful to oneself and to move on. What that time also showed me was that you do have the most beautiful heart and compassionate soul - not everyone would choose to continue to want to help someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves - so hang onto that my friend - and remind yourself everyday that you haven't lost a friend - you have gained more insight into yourself.