Dark thoughts scaring me.

[Tigga321]

@outlander

I have used lifeline before, but found they listen more then they guide or help me. The coping thread sounds good. I would appreciate that, thank you. 

The psych tried just before Christmas for me to open up, mainly about what I posted beach etc.I can't do that, I'm not ready and I don't want to think about how I'm going to be feeling about me after it's brought into the open,  when I think about those things here which my mind usually does it makes well......

[outlander]

@Tigga321sure ill tag you into it. 

have you thought about maybe writing a letter about it? then they can read it and go from there rather than you actually saying it?

[Tigga321]

@outlander,

I seen a physiatrist about 8 weeks ago and he kept asking all these different questions then I blurting part of it out to him, he then sent this to psych. with instructions that only if I wanted to talk about, only if I bring it up, my psych is now pushing me. I don't know if she will accept it written out, which in itself will be for me long , hurtful, sad, just as hard to talk about it, triggers will be throwing their darts at me big time, I won't cope either way I don't think.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Tigga321

I just read your thread. I hope the forums are helpful. It is amazing you have survived.  Writing has helped me.   I hope your mental health team can work well together to give you the support and therapy you deserve.  While your children are alive there is a lot of hope for family healing.

[Tigga321]

@Appleblossom

Thank you, but I'm not sure about surviving, my minds tied, my body has been violated, my soul destroyed and my children are reluctant to see me.

sorry if I sound damaged, I am...but don't worry I'm safe.

grandy

[Shaz51]

Hello @Tigga321, sending you tender hugs my friend

keep writting and keep in touch

[Appleblossom]

@Tigga321  I have said similar things about myself.  We are both still here though.  I am glad that you care enough to reassure us that you are safe.  I hope being on the forum gives you nurturing and strength.

[Tigga321]

@Appleblossom

Im here yeah, but living no. I am a body filled with nothing but a mind that full of hurt, pain, anguish,etc. everything  that is not supposed to be in a human.

The daily struggle of living with triggers everywhere every room, constantly crying and feeling totally encased in a brick wall is not living it's surviving as best I can. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Do you have a basic structure to your day @Tigga321 ? Do you keep to mealtimes, manage a bit of housework, gardening, shopping, etc ?

Only answer if you’re comfortable to ......

[Tigga321]

@Faith-and-Hope,

im sorry to say no..I eat only when I can. Then it's only what I have here, maybe toast, or biscuits, or eggs.

i have a hard time going outside my front door, so shopping is scarce,

I have Major anxiety/depression/PTDS. The anxiety is so bad I can't go out, when I manage to get to the shops either just after opening or closing, no one around, I'm in and out in 5 minutes,