I'm in a nest

[Phoenix_Rising]

 Good morning @CheerBear,

I'm so sorry you are still muddling through your muddle. I'm super glad it was a nice caring woman from catt who called you and I'm also super glad you have your psychologist in your corner. It sounds like as horrible as this situation is, it most likely won't get as bad as it possibly could have without those supports. There ARE good people out there doing their best in a broken system. They aren't ALL like the peanut you spoke with the other day. I super hope that as this situation runs its course the caring supportive people outnumber the peanuts.

Reading your posts, it sounds like you are thinking that a bit of extra support and/or a bit of a rest in a safe space might be helpful so long as you feel that you have some control and choice in the matter, is that right? That makes a lot of sense to me. For me, the trauma of "the system" is the sense of powerlessness. If I knew I could just ask for help and help would be forthcoming, then I would definitely engage with the system. Alas, my experiences sound similar to some that @Former-Member seems to have had - when I have tried taking myself to hospital and asking for an admission, I have always been turned away. Thus, when I know I need help and I seek it, help is not forthcoming. When I know I can ride it out myself, I get dragged into hospital by the police. VERY frustrating. That is why I will never engage with the public system now. However, you are in a very different space to me and it may end up being super helpful to engage with the catt if the nice caring woman is anything to go by.

I'm not planning to be on the forums too much over the next few days, but I will continue to check in here. Your nest reminded me of this picture that I super like. I'm right here sitting beside you. And if it is what you need right now, then I will even sit beside you in the way that is shown in the picture - which makes you SUPER special - cos I don't sit that close to just anyone you know!   

[CheerBear]

@Phoenix_Rising - biggest most hugest thank you for being you. I really super seriously appreciate it.

[Former-Member]

@CheerBear  Wishing you the best for your appointment. 💜🤗💐Here with you (small enough to put in your pocket) 💜🤗💐

[Former-Member]

That's a gorgeous image @Phoenix_Rising.💜🤗

PS. I've never been dragged off from the police but I've ran from them a few times but give in because I'm so pathetic. I end up turtle like too, all curled up in my shell. I've always been compliant enough to wait for the ambulance once defeated, even if that's just curled up on the footpath or driveway. My rage just leaves me exhausted and unable to move. It just is what it is I think. Our reactions are all different. I am very submissive but on occasions have still tried to SH in front of them. 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:. I didn't not think it would be easy for them either knowing how diverse and unpredictable we can be. Im glad you have found out what works best for you. I'm slowly working on it for me too. 

I hope this conversation is ok to have here @CheerBear. I know this is not what you are facing at all. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member,

I would super like to see police better educated in how to manage people in crisis. However, given that so many mental health professionals don't manage these situations well, I have even less hope of seeing much change among the police. I won't go into details here because I don't think it is helpful for anyone (including me), but suffice to say, despite me having no criminal history whatsoever, I have been handcuffed and thrown in the back of a police wagon more times than I care to mention.

[CheerBear]

Oh my that's the cutest creature ever @Former-Member. Perfect pocket size thank you. I will hold it with me today.

Totally ok to have this conversation here too. Our experiences are very different, though there are some unfortunate similarities.

I just got a super lovely call from my counsellor, who has also been in my corner for a while. Another way of looking at this appointment is as a means of filling in the blanks that exist between who someone said I was or thought I was last time this went down, and who I am now and why I am here. There's a striking difference and if nothing else, this is a chance to in a way kind of rewrite some history or at least add something very substantial that was missing before.

[Former-Member]

Sorry @CheerBear kind of feeling a bit mad at myself for posting that last post then. My timing was awful. I hope your finding calm. I find the rainbow walk helpful if you need to on the way there. Find something red, then orange, then yellow, green, blue and purple. Not sure if you've tried that but it helps me. best of luck. 💜🤗💐

[Former-Member]

Yay @CheerBear. I have been able to reinvent myself with this service too. I have a terrible reputation but I'm clawing it back and starting to discuss the things that had gone wrong. I feel like I had a new beginning here now too. It was scary for me but all my new changes are working out ok. I'm sure youll just get help with the gaps now. They have to see you are in a very difficult and stressful situation and doing the best you can but just need a leg up.  That's my gut instinct anyway. 

[CheerBear]

I hope you don't feel too mad at yourself @Former-Member - please know I am very able to sit quietly on the pillows and stay with my calm, especially around people who I feel good about having around 🙂 I love love LOVE the idea of finding rainbows. That's something that almost has rainbow cheerbear written alllll over it. I've never heard of doing that before either. Very cool

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member and @CheerBear I've never heard of the rainbow walk either. I'm definitely going to put that idea in my toolkit.