Riding a wave

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising Got you a little present to give to M... 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Zoe I am just waiting for M now and that SUPER made me giggle. 😂

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising I have one for you too to hold onto at any time little turtle....

[Former-Member]

I love this @Zoe7, the turtle whisperer is very lucky to get such amazing gifts

[Zoe7]

Hi little turtle  @Phoenix_Rising

Just chillin' on chair island, keeping warm and waiting to see how you went with the turtle whisperer today...

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member and anyone else floating around in the ocean today. My turtle whisperer super helped me unmuddle the muddle of last week and I feel a bazillion times better. I super wish I could have seen her as soon as the muddle happened rather than losing another week of my life to just trying to survive. Trying to survive is so superly duperly exhausting (as I know you know @CheerBear and @Zoe7!!!). After our session I was SO tired, I have ended up sleeping the day away...which I know does not bode well for a good night's sleep tonight. It's like...the roller-coaster of trying to survive the muddle and then dealing with the muddle has totally wiped me out. It is super frustrating - I hate sleeping so much during the day.

I am still super super struggling with the terror of losing my turtle whisperer. I connect with her so easily - just like with (K), and I am utterly terrified of once again losing that one-in-a-billion person who genuinely gets me and who I know can really help me. Given that I am still grieving for (K) more than 18 months after the relationship ended, I really am terrified of going through the same thing again.

I superly duperly want to fix my brain NOW! I'm pretty sure that today the turtle whisperer said "we can work on that" about a bazillion times such that we have already filled up the next one thousand therapy hours. I hate how slowwwwwwww brain fixing is, and I super hate how random rogue waves come along and make it even slower. Most of today's session went into dealing with last week's muddle and I am really scared that my brain fixing efforts are a bit like trying to bail out the Titanic with a teaspoon...while there is still more water pouring in.  

So...all in all I am feeling a bazillion times better for having worked through the muddle with the turtle whisperer, but the fear I have of her disappearing is super hard to sit with. Oh another cool thing is that she has now read the same information that the sorry-too-complex psychiatrist read...and she doesn't think I'm too complex at all. I guess that goes to to show that the psychiatrist just doesn't speak turtle well. I'm super glad I have Dr Havetodo!

Hmmm...I think I will stay snuggled in my underwater cave for a little while longer, but I think I will be ready to surface and resume swimming tomorrow.

I wonder where our books are now @CheerBear. They must be getting close. @Zoe7 I super loved the picture of our books winging their way to their new respective homes.

Super big thank you for caring about me and for sitting with me in my muddle.

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7 and @Phoenix_Rising - is that my bike modified for ocean riding??

I think I need it now it's been a pretty choppy for me maybe it will help me get through the ocean faster!

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Zoe7 I super love that you are chilling on chair island. That makes a funny picture in my brain of the chair floating on the ocean. I wonder if that means that whenever @Faith-and-Hope talks about chair island, she is floating out here on the ocean.

You know, I'm pretty sure I don't have any body image issues...and yet I never realised how small I was until I started travelling around in people's pockets and handbags. Now looking at that picture, it looks like you and I are the same size...which either makes you a particularly large butterfly or me a super little turtle.

@CheerBear I just remembered too that I forgot to say how much I loved the fact that you introduced me to my relative the other day. I can't quite tell from this angle (because I seem to be looking up her bum), but I'm pretty sure that is Myrtle, my third cousin twice removed on my mother's side.  

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member yep it is your bike! I think it is amazing that you could ride alllllllllll the way to the bottom of the ocean to hang out in my underwater cave with me.

[Zoe7]

All really positive still little turtle - I will find more presents (not bribes)for you to give to your turtle whisperer @Phoenix_Rising 

I did think I was incredibly large compared to the turtle on the arm of the chair (and the chair itself lol) but some days you feel 'bigger' than others - maybe today is that day and I showed it unintentionally through the image 

I am still waiting to get paid - arghhh - so can't order the book yet!!! Might need ask for extra speedy wings to get it here before you two start so I am not too far behind 

@Former-Member that is a modified underwater bike just for you. It has secret little propellors attached to each side of the back wheel (only visible when you are actually under the water - cool hey lol)