Riding a wave

[Shaz51]

Me toooo @Phoenix_Rising 

Hello @OhanaSystem 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I have been squished by yet another bus.

Yet again I have been reminded of how utterly worthless I am. Nothing I do has any value to anyone. I have absolutely no reason to get out of bed in the morning. No one wants anything from me except to stay the hell away from them. I am invisible, I am worthless. There's NO ONE. Nothing I do has value or meaning or purpose. If I die in my house today, TTT will be the first person to know about it on Monday. I am nothing. 

I do not matter,

I'm only one person,

Destroy me completely,

Then throw me away.

@NikNik

[Former-Member]

*runs with stretcher and bandages and soothing creams and .... * @Phoenix_Rising

I care about you. Having you to share a crafting skill with has been of significant value to me. I would like to continue that journey with you. 

Breathe little turtle breathe, please breathe ... in ..... and out .... in ..... and out .... 

you are important to a number of people here Phoenix_Rising, even though it is 'only' an online experience, if you were not here, you would be missed as would others who visit here. 

Here if you want to share ... here if you don't want to say anything too. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

😔🐢☔️ @Phoenix_Rising .....

[Phoenix_Rising]

Thanks @Former-Member,

I still plan to go shopping later this evening - super big thank you for making my list for me while I've been hiding under my weighted blanket. 

I am trying so hard to create a life worth living despite the fact that I have no one and no reason to get out of bed in the morning, but I don't know how to keep on keeping on. I truly thought I had something of value to offer, but the message I've received is that no, I have nothing of value. 

I LOATHE tokinism. I find it patronising and icky. Either have a role or don't have a role, but don't create some pretend tokinistic thing that ultimately is meaningless. I want to make a real meaningful difference in the world. I need a REAL reason to get out of bed each day, not some make-believe thing. 

[Former-Member]

Hi Everyone 🙂

@Phoenix_Rising I'm watching out over the ocean this afternoon, just wanted to pop in and let you know. I've also been menaing to ask you if you have created the ultimate ice cream cake yet and if you have heard the end of Room on a Broom? 🙂

[Former-Member]

sorry for delay in responding @Phoenix_Rising had to attend to a grocery delivery. Yay pears and bananas for me!

Gosh I'm so sorry this keeps happening. Really glad you're still going to go shopping! 

(edited)

I guess I'm trying to say in some twisted long winded convoluted way that I understand and am here for you. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Thanks @Former-Member. 

@Former-Member BIG HURTING!!!! How does anyone live with no purpose? How does anyone live knowing that no one wants them either personally or professionally? How does anyone live when the source of meaning and support has become the source of rejection, abandonment, re-traumatization and the strong message that nothing you do is of value. How does anyone live with that @Former-Member??? Why won't anyone talk it through with me???

I haven't made the icecream cake yet because it dawned on me that in order to do that, I need space in my freezer to put it! I plan to do it when I've eaten enough food out of my freezer to create space. 

And nope, haven't heard the end of Room on the Broom yet. @CheerBear and I have decided that you have discovered the ultimate solution to sleep issues. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I don't know what to do. My brain is flooded. I'm not allowed to talk here, I'm not allowed to call the HC. Am I allowed to email? Will someone reply? Big big big BIG feelings and there's NO ONE!!!!!!!!! Big flooded brain. 

[Catcakes]

So sorry about the bus @Phoenix_Rising
😞
You matter to me
I like you a lot
The Forum feels real to me
🌿🌸🐥