Am Not Coping

[Former-Member]

hugs, who says you are letting it happen? thats not true or helpful. noone chooses this amount of pain and torment.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member @Eden1919 I am in major self-doubt and self-loathing mode. That is my default setting when I don't have the energy to fight it. What kind of people think it is ok to hurt others - to take away their dignity, their safety, their self-respect and their choices?

[Former-Member]

Oh, I'm sorry you feel this bad. Would it help to talk about the trauma event (within guidelines)?

[Zoe7]

Oh @Former-Member - I have talked a little about the trauma here before - multiple trauma and very complex - very, very hard to talk about!

[Former-Member]

oh i have so many names for those people @Zoe7 and possibly none of them will be allowed on here. 

I have asked that question so many times.. and why me? what was it about me? (all the self blame wrapped up in there)

im not sure there's ever going to be a satisfactory answer. 

[Eden1919]

@Zoe7 Only horrible people do that. none of this was your fault and you should not loathe yourself at all however I understand you cannot just snap out of your feelings. what is making you doubt yourself? 

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7, have you given "mindfulness of thoughts & feelings" a good go? It has helped me to reconnect with my emotions. I too suffer cPTSD, thebmindfulnesscand Self-Compasdion therapy have helped.

[Zoe7]

Same - same - and same!!!! @Former-Member

Those questions are the hardest things to deal with I think - why me and there are no answers!

I know why me when I was an adult - and I certainly do blame myself for not having the courage to leave and to be safe - but as a child - that part I will never understand why I was 'chosen'. 

I do find it more difficult to deal with the abusive relationship because I did have a choice - but we both know that that choice is not easy when you are right in the middle of the 'chaos'. You are too scared to stay and too scared to go - and when you know your life is threatened either way there really is no choice at all.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member It is a very complicated situation in regards to therapy and strategies such as mindfulness. I really can't go into that here again atm - it is in itself triggering.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Well .... I have brought hot chocolate ..... but we're gonna have to all drink it together ....

It might take us all night tho .....

Hugs @Zoe7 ..... 💚💕🦋