Am Not Coping

[Faith-and-Hope]

How are you doing tonight @Zoe7 💜

[Zoe7]

Still here @Faith-and-Hope ...that's about as good as it gets  An anniversary day on top of everything else 

How has your day ended up - stll treading water yourself?

[Faith-and-Hope]

It was an okay day, around the rollercoaster aspects .... so that’s a win ..... the movie was fun and all the baby dragons have retired to their individual caves, so I have peace and quiet ..... sitting in front of my puzzle  ..... chatting to you .... 🤗💕

[Zoe7]

Great you had some good moments today @Faith-and-Hope How is S2 going? Did he fall asleep in the movie?

[Faith-and-Hope]

No, he fell asleep across lunchtime and didn’t go out with us then ..... despite wh trying to pressure him into it ..... which can have the affect of making it really hard to wake him up ..... which starts the pressuring and temper tanties all over again ....

We have missed the start of movies, been late for special and non-special occasions, been late for theatre and concerts ..... arriving hassled and unhappy .... happens to everyone of course, but this is regular.

He was hard to wake up, and we were there last minute, but on time ..... and as frustrated as he was, wh left it to me to rouse him and getting it all happening, while he paced in the background.  I think he expected it to go badly ..... to be able to say, “you see ??”.  Once a negative cycle has set in, it takes time and effort to re-jig it ..... sigh .....

[Zoe7]

That must have really gotten to WH - not just that you were able to wake S2 and get things rolling - but that you succeeded  I can imagine WH wasn't just pacing - how dare you actually be able to get your family organised where he had failed - that must have been a real kick to his ego (hahahaha) WTG @Faith-and-Hope - I hope you had a little moment of pleasure in that too 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think that was the way it was before the events across this year @Zoe7 ...... now I think it is annoying him a little because it seems unfair (not having a real understanding about what the dynamics are that keep causing it to derail) .... but mostly now just confused by it ..... probably thinking that it is a random outcome, but pleased that it actually happened without foregoing the movie for the two of them.

If S2 didn’t end up going, wh wouldn’t have either ..... because he couldn’t sit there in a movie that was intended to be a family event, with S2 excluded, and feel in any way okay .....

[Zoe7]

If S2 didn't go then WH would be okay not being there for the rest of the family @Faith-and-Hope - that is some backwards logic right there Hon. 

I know this is very different - but similar in a way - it is okay for my sister not to go to something (especially if her and her partner have been 'arguing') but she makes a big deal if I can't... and if I am with her and my sister isn't there, my mum will spend most of the time talking about her and 'supporting' her. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

You’re recognising mi factors in here @Zoe7 ..... S2 is being viewed as the baby bird with the broken wing at the moment ..... he is needing support, but this is different ..... it’s like a co-dependence ..... 

I am sorry that there is imbalance between the way your sister is supported and how you are treated @Zoe7 ..... 😔

I try to be even-handed with my kids, according to their needs, but not playing favourites.  It’s not always easy cos they’re baby dragons after all ..... but they are all individual relationships.  If I need to treat one more carefully, like we do for S2 at the moment, then it is very clear why ..... 

[Zoe7]

The fact that WH can't see that he is not actually supporting S2 when he hasn't slept shows that although he may 'know' there is a mi in play - he believes 'taking control' will help solve it. That will only lead to further issues down the track for both of them! Co-dependency, tough love, unhealthy expectations etc. will not help either of them in the long run - and as always - you are on the 'outer', looking in and seeing exactly what is happening with little or no 'power' to do anything  

@Faith-and-Hope I can only imagine how hard it is to see your kids 'hurting' and not be able to help as much as you would like. You certainly have so much strength and patience, despite what you have been dealing with - and what is to come. I so wish it was different for you Hon