Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

@utopia I am going to see a movie this afternoon but wanted to send you lots of hugs and happy thoughts first. Hope your day is getting a little better. Will check in with you properly when I get home. ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[utopia]

Enjoy the movie @Zoe7. I'm okay at work. Just a long day.

[Zoe7]

@utopia You wouldn't believe it ... I managed to get myself out (well my sister picked me up!!!) - and to see a movie ...HUGE step .. and it was sold out ... BUGGER!!!  It was on in a small theatre and it is a public holiday here today so it seems everyone had the same idea! There were so many people around but I actually stayed and had a hot chocolate in the cafe. We sat in a nice quiet little corner and it wasn't noisey at all. That made it ok to cope with. Anxiety wasn't too bad and I am home now and don't feel too bad - really tired but feeling ok otherwise.

Hope you have been given some work to do to make the day go a bit faster. Thinking of you and hope you are doing ok  Chat later my friend xxx

[utopia]

@Zoe7. Bugger. Sold out and after all that effort.
Visits now tally 3 days in a row. Same sister? Not sure if you only have one. So glad you stayed for a hot chocolate & the anxiety was kept at bay. Big achievement. Big step. Sounds like you are making progress. I hope you are proud of yourself.
My boss just gave me the file from hell to audit. All our black and white rules - went out the Window. Was hard. But then it did finally wake me up. Lol

[Zoe7]

@utopia yep 3 days - 3 visits. I do only have one sister and it was actually quite nice being with her today. There wasn't any of the usual tension - maybe it was because she really wanted to see the movie and was disappointed. She also knew I was really tired and it was a big effort to even make it out. I suggested we try again Friday - don't fall off your chair - she doesn't work Fridays and it just came out of my mouth without thinking. I might regret that later in the week but we will see how it goes. 

Really glad that you got some work that would make you think - takes your mind off yourself for a while. There are two things I hate at work - 1. is being bored and 2. is being overloaded - but I hate boredom more. That is when I don't cope the most - this is also one of the reasons that I am still struggling so much. I know that I can't work and my body needs to be able to repair but that is very hard when I am not mentally able to cope either - another one of our catch 22 situations - both need each other to get better and neither one is doing very well!!! I did tell my sister today that I am trying not to worry about how long I will be off work - it could be one term or one year - don't know and can't control what I don't know!!!! Possibly a major breakthrough there my friend 

Hope you are feeling a little better this afternoon.

PS That Cocky picture was what I made with one of the kids at school a couple of years ago - we made heaps of pom pom animals. I'll try and find a photo of them all together and post it. They were very cute and the kids could just do a little each day when they had finished their other work - even my 'less engaged' kids got their work done so they could work on their animals - yep I am starting to miss them and work!!!

Chat when you get home 

[utopia]

That's a great teaching technique @Zoe7. Getting them to finish work by having something they really want to finish - just waiting for them.
Although reminds me that I used to blame my mum and say - do you realise you always have my favorite desert - on a day you cook my least favorite meal. To this day she denies that was her plan. I'm still not convinced.
I didn't know you had told your family abiut your time off work. I'm glad you have though. It saves having to make up stories and getting tangled in lies. Wow. YOU were the one to suggest Friday at the movies. Good for you.
All of these are great steps forward. I think your gp and psychologist are going to be impressed.
Had work this morning. But we do it si quickly. And so by about 2pm - we ran out. By 3.30 I asked if I could leave an hr early. Next thing - the ither girls are packing up as well. I hate having nothing to do. I'd rather be home sleeping.

[Zoe7]

@utopia My family know I'm off work they just don't know why!! They just think it's the complications from the flu and the post viral fatigue still. A bit hard to keep me being off work away from them - my mum works at the same school!!! Just another thing to deal with when I'm there. 

Just had a little rest -  didn't really sleep but layed down for a while - really tired!

Glad you got to go home early and hope you have had a rest too.

How are you feeling tonight?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Chronic fatigue and glandular fever both cause long-term work / school absences @Zoe7 ..... can always suggest either as a smoke screen.

💗

[utopia]

@Zoe7. I'm exhausted and should nap. Have old friend circulating in my head. Have told him to get out - but don't think he's listening. Guess I have more work to do on this issue. Aarrgghh!!!
Think I will sleep now & avoid that. Don't want any tears tonight. Always worried they will never stop. Even though they do.

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope I was checked for glandualr fever last year and that was ruled out. That's when the tests were done over several months for post-viral fatigue - so don't need to use a smoke screen because I know that is still part of why I am so tired all the time. That really exacerbated my MH issues and sent me on the downward slide so quickly - I just didn't have the physical energy to fight it. 

@utopia I'm so sorry you still have him in your head. Tell him to bugger off and find somewhere else to be! - I'm telling him to bugger off for you also 

Have a sleep if you need to - chat with me if you want to - go outside and talk to your plants - meditate  - do whatever you need to do to help yourself tonight.

Here for you my friend