My Hospital Stay

[Zoe7]

Hiya @utopia I hope you are getting some rest tonight and you have some sleep. I am thinking of you and sending you a huge hug to help comfort you tonight.

Love and hugs

Zoe 

[Owlunar]

Aw @utopia

You don't sound like a spoiled brat or full of self-pity to me - you sound as if you are pushed past the point of being able to manage yourself - let alone all the other things - even your son

I totally understand it - I was there over 30 years ago - with my son - I was past doing anything - I don't remember taking anything but what was presribed - that was strong sleeping tablets - but I must have cried a lot and was in and out of hospital - I had private cover - and a very understanding psychiatrist

Really - I get it - I have never understood SH - but I can sympathize - and I care about you - this is so tough

You need the time - I hope you get the time - I don't know what happened at work to cause this condition but I think you have written it somewhere - I have heard on TV that the Work Cover thing is under-funded - and people are not always taken seriously

Sending lots of virtual hugs

Dec

[utopia]

Day 4 -Part 2.
Was really angry and down about possibly not being able to stay for a few weeks. No groups on that I could join in with - they were all walking and yoga groups. No thanks.
But I did go and do 30 minutes of drumming. I was happy just keeping the easy base beat - while others in the group experimented. To me, I was slapping and ounching my old manager, my old workplace, Workcover, Centrelink. Anything and anyone that has made this journey with MH so much harder. I came out of drumming feeling less angry.
Cried a lot today. So depressed. So bored. So scared. Scared that for the first time I am starting to make a plan - instead of just having the suicidal thoughts. A plan incase I have to leave here too early.
I think my Psychiatrist thinks my moods are all due to alcohol. I know alcohol doesn't help depression, but I don't think my depression is caused by alcohol. I think I have depression and it gets worse with alcohol.
I'm going to take my sleeping tablet in 10 minutes. I got my psychiatrist to change it from the one that leaves an awful chemical taste in my mouth all day. The one he is Putting me on - is the one that took me 3 months to come off last year.
I'll see which nurses are on duty tonight and if there is a good caring one, I might talk to them about my plans.
Not going to do anything while I'm in here.
I hope you all have sweet dreams, or sleep with no dreams.
The journey continues tomorrow.

[outlander]

Oh dear @utopia. Sending lots of hugs your way. Please keep yourself safe and chat to your psych 💜💜💜

[Owlunar]

Aw @utopia

I am so glad you trust us enough to share all of this with us - and telling us you have a plan

That would be a really hard thing to do - I understand - sharing it I mean

You know Life Line always asks us that question - I hate it - I would not tell anyone if I did - but I'm not - but yes - I get the plan thing - really know the plan thing

And I am glad you are planning to share this with the nurses on tonight if there is one that you feel you can trust and I will help like crazy that there is someone like that on tonight

About the alcohol - yes - I think you are right - it's not causing the depression - just making it worse - I get that

And I am annoyed for your sake - you get 5 days in hospital and two of those days are weekends - nothing happening - and I always found the groups helpful - but not yoga or taking a walk - aw - you sound as if you are really in the pits and need at least the end of the week -

Maybe your psychiatrist will give you the time you need - he has to make the plan I guess - and he was to finagle all of that - I can only hope that it will work out for you

You are in my thoughts in a big way Utopia

Dec

[Zoe7]

@utopia 

[Former-Member]

hearing you @utopia

Hope that tomorrow is a better day,

lj

[utopia]

Thanks everyone. @Owlunar - I'm determined to be totally honest with this thread. All the negative thoughts. The hardest thing for me to admit to, is that I don't want to be a mum anymore. I feel that is a statement that is more likely to cause judgements - than saying I have a plan.
This post is my journal entry for this stay.
Hopefully there will be positives along the way. Growth and strenth and a lessening in my depression.
I hope it serves as an accurate record of what this journey is like for me. Warts and all.

[Owlunar]

Yes - @utopia

You are being honest with yourself - the hardest person in the world to be honest with in the world

I understand what you are saying about being over it all - definitely - I don't think I ever identified with anything else so closely before

I wanted someone to take it all away from me - and one day I was told that there was only one person who could change anything and that was me

I changed everything - even my marital status and my name - my home, my car - whatever could be changed was

You'll get there - I was pretty much were you are once - and boy - look at me now

Share with the nurses if you have one that will understand - wishing you the best

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia - I really appreciate your honesty. I always thought the standard inpatient stay in hospital was 21 days? A week is nothing - you would barely be getting your head around the routine. I know Workcover's priority is getting people back to work but at least they should get you fixed first. Please look after yourself.