My Hospital Stay

[outlander]

I agree @utopia who needs cutlery lol
Oh yes no colour other than pink exists. Sounds like a great idea that your doing and its keeping you occupied as well. I cant do suduko at all so kudos to you for even being able to lol
Sweet dreams Utopia 💕💖💖

[utopia]

3.30am:
Aaarrrggghhh!!!! - I doze off and on but don't sleep. I just want to sleep. I'm so tired.
The night nurse shines her torch in my room - hourly headcount.
I follow her out of my room and up the hallway.And then I ask for 2 prns - the cacalming ones.
I hope these put me to sleep. I'm so tired. And the smoko courtyard is locked. Haven't had a cigarette for 5 & 1/2 hours.
They should let you go and have a smoke when you've been up all night.
Aaarrrggghhh - I just want to sleep.

[utopia]

3.49am.<br>Double Aaarrrggghhh!!!!!<br>I can't sleep. I can't stand it anymore. <br>I ask both night nurses if I could go out and have a smoke. <br>NO!!!! But they will give me a lozenge to help with any craving. I don't want a bloody lozenge - I want a **bleeping** cigarette.<br>I'm a god damn adult and I'm not alliwed to have a cigarette when I want one.<br>If I was in a general Hospital, I would be able to walk out and have a cigarette when I want one. Not bloody fair.<br>I didn't argue with the nurse. I simply cried and turned away and walked back to my bed.<br>This is a part of the psychiatric hospital stay where you have no say over your treatment and choices. Where you are treated like a baby (at the age of 46) & not given your rights as a human being - to choose to live as you want. <br>It's not too much to ask to go out to the smoko courtyard and have a ciggie..t;br>It's what I do at home. Can't sleep. Go outside and have a smoke. Then go to bed.<br>I'm pissed off.

[outlander]

Big big hugs @utopia 💟 💟

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️💕 @utopia ......

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia - Understandable that you're upset. I can only guess they wouldn't let you out for a smoke because it would mean they would have to allocate a nurse to keep an eye on you but there would have to be CCTV cameras in the courtyard and they could watch you on the screen. Still you are an adult and can make your own choices. I'm an ex-smoker so I perfectly understand that a lozenge just won't cut it - I'd let you out for a smoke. Maybe have a chat to the unit manager to see if there is a smoking policy?

Take care and get some rest.

[Zoe7]

OMG @utopia really a lozenge to replacea ciggie craving - not cool !!!

I haven't been around much lately and have just caught up on how you are going. I hope that you start to settle a little more at night soon and can get some long and restful sleeps happening - I know how frustrating it is not sleep 

Sending you all my love and huge hugs (and still sitting beside you even when you can't see me )

Zoe 

[Owlunar]

That is so crappy @utopia 

Yeah - I know this is the Nanny State and smoking has bad press but it's still legal to smoke in designated smoking areas -

You have every right to feel really angry about this - I know how it feels to have to sneak out for a smoke - not a good feeling - but to have that denied is so much worse

Thinking of you

Dec

[utopia]

Day 4 - part 1:
Woke up with my psychiatrist at the end of my bed. We had a chat. Tomorrow is meant to be my last day. As Workcover Insurance only gave me an initial 5 day pass. So my Psychiatrist is going to ask them for another 5 days.
That doesn't seem enough to me. So I told him I wanted more. He said he has to have a good reason to give Workcover to get them to fund a longer stay.
I went to my room and cried. Later I spoke to the nurse that did my admission paperwork on Friday. I said, I can't go home in 5 days. I need longer. I don't want to go home and be a parent anymore. I don't want to have to look after my dogs or my house or my car. I don't want to have to find a job and struggle to live on Centrelink pension. I don't want to have to look after me.
Im aware I'm sounding like a spoilt brat. But I'm so tired of doing everything for myself. I'm tired of this life I live.
I told the nurse if they send me home - then I'll just self medicate more - until there is nothing left of me to medicate.
I'm in a self destructive - why me - poor me - mood.
But I want to keep this thread honest with how I'm feeling. Even if I look like an ungrateful ... (swear word).
No responses needed.

[Zoe7]

No responses need @utopia but one given anyway 'cos I wuv you 

You know yourself best and if you are saying that another 5 days isn't long enough then they should be listening to you. You are not being a 'spoilt brat' you are being realistic. You have been struggling for far too long now and you deserve both the respite and the best care given to you that is possible. The mere fact that you are saying that it is all too much for you should be a red flag to the staff that you need ongoing and more long-term help here my friend - I so hope that they can see that you are not ready to leave so soon and the ramifications could be more destructive for you. I am sending YOU all my love and some angry thoughts through the atmosphere to the hospital STAFF to do the right thing by you.

Thinking of you and sitting with you always my beautiful little cocky friend...

Zoe