Far and Away

[Faith-and-Hope]

💚💐💕🤗 @Zoe7 ......

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Zoe7 ..... 🤗💐💚💕

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope I am not doing well at al today so probably won't be around long. Going to take my meds early, plus a few more, and curl up on the couch to hopefully sleep. I really need to sleep and get out of my head. I wanted to reply to you first though.

Love ya Hon 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Take care @Zoe7 ..... and please be careful with those meds ..... I care so much about you and want you to be safe ......

I have thrown myself into my painting today ..... WH is being vindictive again so I am having to block myself off from thinking about him and how he is behaving ..... he is becoming increasingly uncomfortable, that's clear ..... and will become increasingly bratty along with it ..... 😠

Never mind ...... I have enough around me to throw myself into and switch off from him for now. Really pleased with my painting ......

We have had a really cold but sunny day here today.

Hugs n hugs Hon ..... I hope you're in a better way tomorrow ..... even just by an increment ......

💚💐💜💕💚💐💜💕💚💐💜💕💚

[Zoe7]

I so much want to be here for you Hon and I'll stay as long as I can. Tell me all about it - it will be a good distraction for now @Faith-and-Hope

I really wish I could be there for you - I really hate what you are having to deal with. It is so unfair that someone so lovely is having to put up with such emotional abuse. I am so sorry you have to live like this sweetheart 

The next week or so is going to be extremely hard for me so hearing about your painting - and anything else positive - will really help. I haven't been able to paint myself - tried to get things out yesterday but was too tired. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Zoe7 ......

I am painting a street from an "old town" in Europe ..... the buildings are from around the 1800's but that area of the city itself is much older. There are a set of stone steps going up through the middle, and way in the distance above are some ruins on a hill.

There is all thw hustle and bustle of a cafe district spread across the stairs as far as the alley way goes ..... up and up and up towards the area above, with pot plants. wall fans, heaters, trellises. signage, and shuttered windows ...... it's cold so the people are in jackets and scarves.

WH is not informing me about what is happening with S2 ..... I am finding out incidentally. I went to go for my walk this morning, after waking up at 4am when he gets up .... then dozing off at 5:20am ..... waking at 8 and pottering around making my bed etc ..... about to head off at 8:45 and he asks whether I am going to be back for the Community Nurse coming to see S2 at 10:30am.

I ask why he didn't tell me she was coming and he goes, "don't you talk to your son ?" Why didn't you ask him what he was doing today ..... but if your too absent I guess you don't know what's going on ...."

Brat.

He is playing cat and mouse and competing to be the best parent ..... all part of his disordered state at the moment, and it's probably going to get worse the more he gets hemmed in progressively. He is looking for a fight, and I won't give him one.


Like a bratty, bad-tempered child I am just going o have to ignore his antics as best I can.

😡😔
Me she

[Zoe7]

Sorry Hon - I did fall asleep last night @Faith-and-Hope I woke up really early this morning, let Toby out and then dozed on and off for the next few hours. It wasn't a good sleep but at least I have slept a little.

It was lovely to wake up and be able to read - and visualise - what you are painting. I have a really lovely image in my mind now  It sounds amazing.

As for WH - he's saying you are the absent parent - what a contradiction  He really is trying to further alienate you with  both his words and actions - playing games and thinking only of himself. I feel for you so much sweetheart - I want to come over there and shake some sense into him - but I also know that wouldn't help - it would just make him out to be more of the 'victim' in this scenario. I really do not know how you keep it together - you truly have the kindest and most courageous soul 

I can however hear how hard this is becoming for you and know inside you are really 'suffering'. I so wish this wasn't happening for you Hon  

If all I can do is be here for you then that is what I will do. I am not in a place to be able to support most people at the moment so my sole focus is being able to be here for you - to be able to do that for you is very important to me - because you are very important to me  I hope that is ok with you!

love and hugs...

Zoe 

[Faith-and-Hope]

It's more than okay @Zoe7 ..... the forums give me somewhere I can turn to. 18 months ago when I finally went to the gp with WH I thought that would be tha breakthrough, that I was passing the ball to someone else who could help us, who would take over and manage our situation from then on because I was at my absolute limit

When I found that wasn't so, and the dr didn't seem to be recognising that it was an e.d. (EDNOS can. W really hard to identify b cause the markers are different from AN and BN and BED) ..... he was treating the symptoms but not the cause ..... and I was crying down the phone to an EDV counsellor. She recommended SANE forums, and it made the most unbelievable difference .....

Just to be able to connect with this community, to understand just how loving, giving, suffering, courageous and everything else we find here that people can be helped me get back up on my feet and keep going ..... even though I knew that to keep going meant watching my family slowly fall apart .... or make the choice to take it apart myself and face the firestorm that would have ensued - ill-equipped and iill-prepared - and still not have been able to protect my kids from the outcomes.

To have a whole "hidden" community standing with me here is providing me ongoing courage to persevere. My pain is no more than anyone else around here is suffering ..... we are comrades of the road .....

Thank you so much for being you and being here for me ......

💜💜💜🦋🦋🦋💕💕💕💐💐💐😘😘😘

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope The one thing that is keeping me connected here atm and keeping me going is the knowing I have you around to support me and I can hopefully in turn do the same for you. It is so difficult for me to not want to 'run away' and be completely on my own again. I know that is my pattern of behaviour when my life is getting too tough to deal with but I also know that is when I don't care about anything and I become unsafe to myself. I know there are many, many people here that would like to provide this support but I can't ask when I am feeling this way - but with you it is easy  FC  - and I can give as much as I 'take'. I don't have the energy or cannot deal with the struggles of others as much - too many triggers and not in the right headspace to think and respond - that doesn't mean I am not thinking about others - because I am all the time - but I am really trying to stay alive and get through this. Usually I would do it on my own but I know this hasn't had good outcomes for me previously - so please let me know if you need a 'break' from me also. I understand how supporting someone can become personally too much, especially when you have your own 'stuff' to deal with. In saying this - I am definitely here for YOU - and you help me more than you could know with your strength, courage, resilience, compassion and hope. You are one in a million and I love you so much for just being YOU