Riding a wave

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @CheerBear and @Zoe7, 

Right now I'm thinking of reading the manual from start to finish - very slooooooowly. Having said that, I don't intend to talk about all of it in Forum Land. I think it would be awesome if we could follow one of the schedules, but realistically, I know I can't commit to being able to prepare a post covering each week's content according to the schedule and I'm assuming you guys can't either. Thus right now I'm imagining that after the introductory bit, we would maybe do a skill a week, akin to the pose-a-week we are doing in our yoga group. If we found progress too slow, we could always bump it up to 2-3 skills a week. However, I think it is best to start super slow. What do you think of that for a plan @Zoe7 and @CheerBear?

@CheerBear I am certain you won't confuse anyone.  I mean, look at our yoga adventure; we have the structure of a pose a week, and yet we have some people happily doing entirely different poses...and that is totally ok. I think maybe our DBT adventure might shape up like that; we will have a general structure, but random tangents will be totally ok too. I'll do the structure bit, you do the random tangents bit. 

@Zoe7 It is totally fine to jump in and out of this adventure whenever you want to. I am certain we will all be doing that. By the way, when I was flicking through the manual today, I saw the "nightmare protocol" on pages 398-400 and it made me think of you. I wonder if that could be helpful for you? I can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with nightmares. For whatever reason, that isn't something that has ever been a major issue for me. 

Where do you think we should put this thread @CheerBear and @Zoe7? Maybe under "looking after our wellbeing" or do you think it would fit under "our experiences and stories"????? This is superly duperly exciting that we can do this together but not. 

[Zoe7]

I think under 'Looking After Our Wellbeing" is probably a good place @Phoenix_Rising.

I like the idea of initially starting with one skill a week - that way if it is a 'stormy' week we can juggle the skill and the 'storm' the best we can! If we are all having a 'good' week then we may be able to increase it to more.

I am superly happy that you DON'T need to dealwith nightmares - I wouldn't wish that on anyone little turtle 

[CheerBear]

Far out @Phoenix_Rising. I can't get my head around how that can even happen. So much ugh 😞

[Phoenix_Rising]

Oopsy, I used a bad word in my post. Here's take two. I fixed it @Former-Member. Good job me.

Well today just got more tricky than it was!!!! (A) and I had scheduled a session for 8am. (A) called at ten past eight just as I was about to email her to see where she was. Guess what? SHE HAD FORGOTTEN THAT SHE HAD TOLD ME I WASN'T WELCOME IN THE OFFICE AND THAT FUTURE SESSIONS WOULD HAVE TO BE VIA PHONE!!!!!!!!!!! She was sitting in her office wondering where I was. Seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY????? Apparently I cause so much chaos in the office she can't have me there, AND THEN SHE FORGETS THAT SHE HAD BANNED ME FROM THE OFFICE. Really???????????????As it turned out, that was the least bad part of the session and I spent most of it rocking, engaging in SH and screaming into my pillow.

My turtle whisperer wants me to stay connected with (A) because of the fact that my turtle whisperer knows she can't be in my world long term. The plan is I will still see (A) at least a bit, until we find someone who can commit to working with me long term. However, after what happened this morning, methinks my turtle whisperer and I will be re-visiting this plan tomorrow.

I've gone from travelling ok through a tricky anniversary day to now being about to go and hide in my bed. Seriously, the number of poorly skilled mental health professionals out there is terrifying!

[Former-Member]

This is such a frustrating situation for you to have this morning @Phoenix_Rising.

Just going to post my little palm tree here for you if you need more floating options.

[Zoe7]

I didn't see anything wrong with that word @Phoenix_Rising - actually think what you replaced it with is more triggering! - suppose it is a case of what triggers one person may be completely oblivious to another!

I'm with @CheerBear - what the.......? How exactly can that happen? I don't know little turtle - doesn't it just seem like the whole rest of the world is in on some joke that we aren't party to sometimes  

Sitting here with you (not touching) but close enough so you know I am around 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I think I will climb aboard your island for a little while. My brain and my shell are super flooded. I was doing fine today until the call with (A). How can a psychologist be so amazingly and unbelievably clueless???? My whole being hurts. Why oh why oh why can't I just settle with my turtle whisperer and work with her long-term. How can the Universe be so cruel that I find this one in a billion person who I can actually connect with...and she can't commit to working with me. How can this be? I feel utterly utterly utterly hopeless. The experience with (A) this morning has super reinforced all my terror around shopping for therapist-take-thirteen. You can put a positive spin on it as much as you like, but the reality is that my brain is far more fried now than it was when I started with therapist-take-one two years ago. Bad therapists aren't just unhelpful, they DO HARM. I don't know how to keep on keeping on. I simply do not know how.

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Un-bel-eeevanle @Phoenix_Rising ..... 😔

💕🐢

[Phoenix_Rising]

I feel super super super hopeless. The 25th of September is like a sacred day in my world. In my world, this day is 100% about me and my M. This is a day where I sit in quiet contemplation and remember. And I can get through this day just fine. I WAS getting through this day just fine. And then my damn psychologist called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dealing with (A) feels agonizingly like dealing with Fred. Neither sets out to do harm, and yet both manage to do an amazing amount of harm. HOW could (A) forget that SHE had banned ME from the office. How does that happen? While she was sitting there waiting for me to show up, wouldn't she at some point suddenly go "oh...that's right..." Or maybe as she started to dial my number to see where I was? Is it such a tiny inconsequential detail to her that she has told me I can't come to the office. Does she have ANY idea what it is like knowing that you are so messed up, your psychologist can't stand to have you in her office? Does she have any idea how that fits with the thousand similar messages I've received in the past? Do you know how many people have given me the message of "stay away from me" over the years? They've said it through the AVOs, they've said it through the calls to the police, they've said it through hanging up the telephone, they've said it through returning my letters unopened, they've said it through threatening legal action if I attempt further contact, and they've said it by telling me not to touch them when I seek a hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I possibly feel like it is ok being me, when here in the real world, the very loud message is that it ISN'T.

HOW could (A) forget that tinsy tiny detail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I super super super badly wish I could talk to my turtle whisperer right now. I'm super glad it is only one sleep until I see her. I super badly want to die right now...but I know it is only a wave and it will pass. I was perfectly fine before 8am this morning, on this most sacred day in my world.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member